*reading report from regular ed teacher while going over daily report with student*
me: "Smiley, smiley, smiley . . . whoa. A frown for not using nice words?
student: "There's a note."
me: "(Name) threatened to cut another student's head off when she sat in his seat? (Name,) what?"
student: "OBVIOUSLY, I was kidding. I didn't even have a machete."